Change. No matter who we are, we all relate and cope with change differently. The type of change can also impact on how we deal and cope with it. I personally love a challenge. I try to embrace change and focusing on the positives and successful outcomes.
However, some stages of recovery, are harder to adjust to that others and in particular is the change in the shape of my body…
I recall, as many do, the constant battle of the voices. It’s hell, exhausting and relentless. You have the positive – “It’s great you’re gaining weight and maintaining. You are doing great!”
Yet, that other voice, ahh yes, that voice.
The one that creeps up to cast doubt and negativity – “What are you doing?! You feel different, people look at you differently, you can see your shape change. You are weak, pathetic. Stop!”.
There is a bitter power struggle between the two. A duel of the mind within one body.
It can be exhausting!
The peculiar thing is that if it was a fired, or a young child I am all too aware of the positive things to say to offer encouragement and support.
Yet, why it appears to be nearly impossible to apply the same advice to my own situation?
Throughout recovery we learn a great amalgamation of techniques and tools through my therapy to deal this mental turmoil and the discord towards change.
But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
We all know and can rationalise the importance of pushing away the doubtful voice and focusing on the positives of the recovery journey, recognising what you have achieved so far.
Whilst at times it can seem daunting and never ending, perhaps even painful at times, the whole process is so worth it!
That’s what I still constantly remind myself of and which you must take solitude from.
Looking back, I know I would rather enjoy my life the way it is now and eat food I enjoy. I love being able to go out with friends and be sociable! Why would I choose to let it have control over me? My shape does not define me and certainly not my happiness.
Change in terms of recovery is awesome, change brings health and joy. Change brings back you and you are so more important than a shape.