This is… C R A P

It’s 26th March 2020.

And it’s the FUCKING APOCALYPSE.

I know I shouldn’t swear, that I should perhaps be a little more mindful of the people that are reading this blog (to whom I am of course incredibly grateful). But O M G this is not a good place right now.

First and foremost; people, all over the world, are dying of a virus that is more contagious than the plague. It is attacking our most vulnerable and is raging war on society. It’s demolishing everything and everyone in its path. It’s a wild bush fire totally out of control, a tsunami that just keeps coming, leaving a path of destruction undeniably torturous.

There are simply no words.

And the worst thing is that we simply do not know when will this end. Really when will we be free again?

For me, this is the biggest issue. I AM A CONTROL FREAK, I mean I need to know EVERYTHING. I like a plan, I like to stick to a schedule. I like to be on time. I like to know what we are doing that day, at what time, with whom including what I am going to eat. PLAN PLAN PLA…UhOH… hello Covid fucking 19. There goes every plan, intention and dream I’d ever made- cheers mate.

Now, I know, trust me, I know that I am fortunate.

I have my health, am financially pretty stable, no responsibilities (still not bitter about that one I promise) and will be OK.

If I put that rational part of my brain on I do know that I am more than OK.  There are people out there who are fighting for our country, are putting their own lives at risk to save ours, are truly on the front line of this war.

And then there is me, crying over the loss of an income and a schedule that is quite frankly bordering on the brink of OCD.

Others are negotiating a tricky home schooling programme, whilst juggling working from home, self isolating, social distancing and running a business.

But this is real to me. And real to you. And to Joe Bloggs who relies on walking to the local shop for his paper every day. It is a relative struggle to each of us. Whatever your anxiety is, however great it is, debilitating and scary- there is no shame. We all stand together at this time. In awe of each other, carrying on, muddling through- as best as we can.

There is no rule book here. There is no plan, only a vision of unknown.

For me, I am trying to see this as an opportunity, there will be an end and those that have fought to find alternatives, to give something, anything back will rise at the end of it. Will perhaps even flourish, find new feet, new groundings and perhaps new opportunities.

There is no denying that this is a scary time, but there is not one person, (forgive me if I am wrong), who isn’t at least a little scared right now. We are all simply living from day to day.

So what is the point to this blog.

Well I guess its a coming together of all my thoughts and realisations over the last few days.  I’ve cried, a lot. Not coped at times and then felt like a fighter at others. I’ve worried about people, feared the perception of my actions and wanted to crawl into a duvet induced coma never to see the light of day. But that isn’t an option. The only option is to continue to plod along. To hold my/our heads up high and ride the tsunami. To see the light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of how long and treacherous that tunnel will undoubtedly become over the next few weeks.

But remain united in the knowledge, that not one of us is alone in this. Be an ear to hear. We are all in need, all at risk and all a little scared right now.

Remember, this will end. It will and we will rise. We will conquer and we will be OK.

Stay safe, stay in touch and be an ear to hear

So much love

Hannah

 

 

 

 

 

 

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